Here are some tips for making it work:

1. Ask the important questions at the onset, to make sure you are both clear on the parameters of the relationship. These can be difficult and awkward questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line. For example, are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become more serious?

2. Communicate in some way every day – more than once if possible. Since you won’t be seeing each other, it’s important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don’t have to be long, in-depth conversations (though those should occur sometimes). Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask for advice. Use an instant messenger program or VoIP for real-time chat, or webcams for that visual connection. E-mail is great so make sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a strain on your budget. Write love letters. Send small gifts or flowers for no reason. In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand – you don’t take communication for granted!

3. Recognize, and take advantage of, the benefits that long distance relationships offer such as more time with friends and/or family, no arguments over toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence. Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality – something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together.

4. Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart. If there’s a movie you’re both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterward and discuss it. Read a certain book at the same time. Stargaze while on you’re on the phone. Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to bond.

5. Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match – or someone else is a better match – your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. Most relationship advice boils down to common sense; needless to say you are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.

6. Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately you’d want to live together, discussing how you’re going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that long distance relationships can go somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.

Perhaps the toughest aspect of long distance relationships is this: Know when to say good-bye. While this is tough in any relationship, this can be especially hard over long distances. When communication becomes one-sided or sparse for too long and for no apparent reason, when arguments (yes, you’ll have them) become too frequent, when the whole thing just seems like more trouble than it’s worth, it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship. Either you’ll decide to go your separate ways, or you’ll get closer for having overcome another obstacle to your happiness together.

About The Author
Emily Kensington is a couples therapist. For free relationship advice and romance tips visit http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com

Bill Cosby at this point in his career is not just internationally famous; he has become an icon in the black community as a successful, inspiring individual who did not let his color get in the way making his mark on society. So when this highly recognizable and well-loved entertainer came out two years ago with a tirade against the black community, citing hip hop and the language associated with it as part of the problem with today’s black youth, people paid attention. His rant, delivered at a NAACP event honoring the 50th anniversary of Brown vs. Board of Education caused quite a stir.

As founder of Def Jam Records Russell Simmons aptly put it, “pointing the finger may not be helpful — we still have more struggle as a society and more work to do to reform it.” (Debate Continues as Cosby Again Criticizes Black Youths, by Hamil L. Harris, Washington Post)

True, there is in fact a negative connotation to some of the language in hip hop, but conversely this same language has been adopted and assimilated into modern culture. How can you have politicians, parents and critics lambasting the same language that is used to market anything from cell phones to Subway sandwiches? As the oft misquoted line from Shakespeare’s Hamlet states, “Ah there’s the rub.”

Many in the hip hop world would tell you that language of hip hop is the language of the street — the lexicon of the day-to-day struggle in urban life.

Love And Hate
It’s hard to imagine a music culture that has evolved economically and culturally and has become so widely accepted to still suffer such censorship and harsh criticisms.

Love: Hip Hop group The Fugees won 5 grammys in 1999 essentially confirming what everybody knew all along — the music is not only popular but is also highly profitable.

Hate: Negative stereotypes and objectification of women dominate the lyrics of many popular hip hop songs and artists. Adding more ammunition to the hate revolver, The Rand Corporation recently did a study linking promiscuous sexual activity in teens to sex-laden (primarily hip hop songs) lyrics. (Rand Study Finds Adolescents Who Listen To A Great Deal of Music With Degrading Sexual Lyrics Have Sex Sooner, www.rand.org).

Love: As a recent Time.com article mentioned, the love affair between hip hop and advertisers continues to stay strong. In fact hip-hop’s power to direct tastes in everything from malt liquor to SUVs is constantly being wooed and courted by the advertising industry. (’Hip-Hop Nation ‘Is Exhibit a for America’s Latest Cultural Revolution, www.time.com)

Hate: Writer John McWhorter cites that the language of hip hop reinforces the same stereotypes that have hindered blacks in this country for decades by glorifying a “thuggish” adversarial stance that is the “proper” response to an allegedly racist, never changing white society that continues to oppress them. He firmly believes that this in essence, retards black success. (How Hip-Hop Holds Blacks Back, John H. McWhorter, The Manhattan Institute’s City Journal). For an example he cites several snippets from recent rap songs including this one from one of hip hop’s iconic figures, the late Tupac Shakur

gotta know how to shake the snakes, nigga,
‘Cause the police love to break a nigga,
Send him upstate ’cause they straight up hate the nigga.

For every positive someone can make a valid point for a negative aspect to this music. There is no right or wrong here. If you put both sides of this debate in a room you might as well make it a round room because that’s how the argument will go.

Breaking the circle
The language of hip hop isn’t going to change anytime soon. For every reference to the N word, guns and sex there are just as many references to empowerment, being strong and standing up for what you believe. Not everyone who plays a videogame shoots up a school. Not everyone who listens to hip hop will abuse women and join a gang. Understanding, interaction and communication is the key rather than focusing primarily on the negative aspects of hip hop.

It’s like being a part of that brotherly bond. And that’s the thing that feels good about it. It’s your people, and you hear other people using it, it’s kind of flattering, you know what I’m saying? Even if they don’t give the recognition like they are supposed to! It feels good to hear people out there ‘biting’ [using] your slang, basically. It’s communication, you know what I mean? It’s communication.” (Ameen, Oakland California youth talking about the impact of the language of hip hop to an NPR reporter).

Author Bio
HIPHOPDX – The premier spot for all things Hip Hop, Rap and R&B culture, what’chu know ’bout that?

A mind that is cluttered with money worries may be flooded with one or two or all of these thoughts at one time or another. Maybe you were there once in your life, maybe not. Most people with financial troubles are anxious, confused, angry, harbor feelings of hopelessness, insecurity, and uncertainty about future financial outcomes. Consequently, this state of mind affects everything, including work performance.

It’s time for a financial assessment. Is your trouble because you have maxed out your credit cards? Maybe you have more month than money. Do you have medical expenses? Are you sick and can’t work? Have you lost your job, or been downsized? Where did the shortage originate?

Once you have assessed where the problem lie, then you can look at remedies. Money troubles in plain simple English are not enough money to cover your present lifestyle. The causes may or may not be within your control.

When the funds are low, the logical answer would be to make more but what most people do is fret about it. Some spend more time worrying about what they don’t have while others add on a second job.

Money troubles are not going to go away without something changing. Worry will not make up the deficit but initiating a plan of action will.

Make a list of all of your monthly household living expenses: mortgage, rent, utility bills, etc.

List Your Debts (creditors you owe)

List your entertainment

List miscellaneous (lunch, coffee, snacks, etc.)

Write in how much you pay on each. Total that amount.

List your sources of income (job, spouse, etc.). Take the total from this and subtract it from what you spend on household, debts and entertainment. If that figure shows you are not covering your expenses, look back at your expenses; see what you can eliminate from entertainment. Make a list of other areas you are expending money, such as lunch, dry cleaning, hair cuts, etc.

Try taking your lunch from home rather than buying lunch. The average lunch cost about $7.00. That $7.00 for five days comes to $35.00 a week, totaling $140.00 a month. Imagine if you, your wife and children spent the same amount weekly,that would amount to a partial mortgage or rental payment.

Take a look at your Debt. Began to work from the smallest to the largest. Take the money you saved from not buying, let’s say lunch, and redirect the total amount towards paying off the smallest debt first.

As you pay off each debt, take that money and add it to the next smallest debt, working your way to the largest, until you have eliminated your debt completely. While you are doing this, examine your household budget.

Look at how to eliminate some of your other expenditures; for example, if you have a high cell phone bill, you might want to exchange that cell phone for one with a more fixed rate. Maybe instead of hiring a lawn service, you could cut the grass yourself. Perhaps you might visit Barber or cosmetology trade schools to obtain these services at a reduced rate.

Look at what you are already doing first to find the extra money. If you still need more to make up the deficit, then you might look at your skills and talents: start a home-based business. It’s something you could do as a family.

Money troubles can be conquered, if you are willing to take a few extra steps. Don’t look at the impossible debt mountain, began the climb one step at a time. And, yes, it is okay to reward yourself along the way but keep in mind where you are headed. Don’t overdo it. Once your debt is eliminated, don’t spend the excess money; instead, add it to your future savings options.

Understand that paying your debts down will not take place overnight but if you are consistent it will happen.

Author Bio
Blondie L. Clayton is a Realization StrategistTM, Publishing Coach the co-founder of the Online School of publishing, Book Publishing and Marketing Coach; works as a freelance writer; hosts the “Author’s Spotlight at Positive Change Radio. Download your free debt free starter kit at blondie2book.com

One of the biggest problems with having children is the remarkable fact that they tend to be the source of parental stress. This is, obviously, the unique stress that comes from being a parent and having to worry about the fact that your kids are growing up, learning new things, living their lives their own way, and — all too often — figuring out things the hard way. In addition, you have to worry about your kids making the right decisions, staying out of trouble, and just generally turning into human beings just like you. Needless to say, this tends to create a lot of parental stress.

Being a parent isn’t easy. After all, you are responsible for raising, instructing, and helping children as they work their way from an infant into adulthood. And even when they go off on their own, you still worry about them as they make their way through the world. Despite the fact that they move on into adulthood, you never stop being a parent and you want to make sure that they are doing okay. Unfortunately, this is easier said than done and it is not easy to let them go. Thus, you find yourself both trying to give them freedom and trying to hang on to them as they go out into the world.

The problem becomes one of both trying to keep a hold of your children and trying to let them be their own people. Thus, in order to allow you children to move on, you need to learn to let them go. That’s right, in order to ease parental stress, you need to learn how to be less of a parent. In fact, you need to learn how to let them make their own mistakes. This is very difficult, since you will have to watch them as they go through the process of growing up, largely without your help. This can be very difficult, since you will want to protect them from the world. But the world will show up sometime and you will need to let them learn to deal with it. Needless to say, this will only make parental stress worse for a while, since you will be essentially standing on the sidelines as they make errors that you could have warned them against. Just remember that it will do them good in the long run and they will be better for it.

However, this does not mean that you shouldn’t keep an eye on your children. Let’s face it, you are still a parent and you need to watch over your children. Trying to cope with parental stress will not be improved by being completely ignorant of your children. Instead, let them be themselves as you try to keep an eye on them. They will find their own way, even if you do not always enjoy the path that they have to go down to get there. Just allow them to be imperfect and they will learn what they need to know in the process.

But when the stress of child-raising gets to be too much, don’t be afraid to get help. There are plenty of support groups, books, and websites out there that want to help you through your parental stress. Don’t be afraid to give them a try, if for no other reason than to stay informed. Nobody said it was going to be easy, so try to keep your stress under control. Then, by keeping it under control, you can survive a lot of difficult situations and a lot of difficult years and prevent yourself from going crazy with worry.

Just remember that your children will, eventually, become rebellious and they will probably try to act in a way that may shock you. It is well-known that parental stress can be fairly severe during the teenage years, since teenagers are always eager to go their own way. And if that doesn’t increase parental stress, nothing will. You will often find yourself on the sideline, trying to figure out what is going on in their heads, but try to remember that you were their age once. Teenagers aren’t perfect. Neither are adults. Keep both of those items in mind and you may be able to keep your parental stress to a minimum.

No, parental stress is not easy. No, it is not simple to solve. No, there is no point where you can just let your children go completely. However, by managing your own parental stress, allowing your children to grow up, and understanding that your children need to make their own mistakes sometimes, you can keep your emotions under control and allow your children to be themselves. So, rather than allowing parental stress to take over your life, let parental stress take a backseat to keeping an eye on your children, making sure that they are doing fine, and enjoying the years when they are growing from youth to adulthood and beyond.

LowerYourStress.com: for everything to do with stress. Get a free ebook to help with your stress levels: http://www.loweryourstress.com/stress-book.html

1. Ingrown hairs. While most men have suffered from ingrown hairs or razor burn, black men are especially prone to this condition because of their highly-curved body hairs. Because the hair tends to be more tightly curled, it has a greater chance of curving and growing back into the skin after shaving. This causes painful shaving bumps and irritation on the face and neck, and can only become more aggravated with further shaving.

Although it’s a common problem, there’s no need to simply accept it as a natural danger of shaving: by keeping skin exfoliated, changing your razor after 4-5 uses and following with a product with dermatologically-active ingredients, you can greatly reduce the occurrence of ingrown hairs. If you find yourself suffering a great deal from these skin irritations, consider cutting down on the amount of times you shave, since frequent shaving too close to the skin will trap hairs inside the follicles.

2. Dark Spots and Hyperpigmentation. Dark areas can often appear on African-American skin when scarring occurs, whether from cuts, acne or burns. These dark spots and uneven skin tone (called “hyperpigmentation”) will usually fade over time, but some ingredients can definitively help even skin color and promote a smoother surface. Hydroquinone, Kojic Acid and Vitamin C are used regularly by dermatologists and skincare professionals to fade dark areas and balance skin tone. These products often take 4-8 weeks to see maximum results, and they have been known to cause irritation in some men, so you should consult a dermatologist if you have sensitive skin or if irritation persists.

Regular, gentle exfoliation is also a good way to improve skin tone because it removes the top layer of dead skin cells and allows new, healthier cells to appear. By removing the upper layer, it also allows ingredients such as Hydroquinone to more effectively treat the skin. When using a product such as this, make sure you protect your skin well from the sun’s rays, since sun exposure stimulates pigment production and can re-darken areas.

3. Dry, Ashy Skin. Black men with very dry skin often have an ashy or gray appearance, so it’s important to keep skin well-moisturized and reinforced with nurturing vitamins to promote a smoother, healthier look. Because hot water can pull moisture from the skin’s surface, avoid long, hot showers and take quick lukewarm ones instead. Wash with a gentle liquid cleanser instead of bar soap (since bar soap can actually dry out skin), and put an active moisturizer on within five minutes of stepping out of the bathtub. This will lock moisture into your pores, promoting a smoother, more even appearance. Use an oil-free moisturizer that contains nutrients like Aloe, Hyaluronic Acid, Squalene and Vitamins A, D, and E, and don’t forget about the delicate area around your eyes.

4. Sun Protection. A common misconception about darker-toned skin is that it cannot burn or be damaged by the sun. Although African-American skin contains more melanin (skin pigment) which offers greater protection against the sun’s rays, it is still at risk for a number of sun-related diseases. In fact, African-American men are often at a higher risk because it is often harder to detect changes in skin marks or discolorations. This means it may take longer for a person to seek treatment, by which time the damage could have spread even further. Protecting your skin from the sun is a serious business, but it can be as easy as using a sunscreen of SPF 15 or higher that offers protection from both UVA and UVB rays, and reapplying it often.

About The Author

Deidra Garcia is a freelance writer and communications manager for MenScience Androceuticals, a men’s skincare and grooming company. You can find more articles by Deidra, as well as further tips and advice, at http://www.MenScience.com.

World-renowned archaeologist Professor Phillip Tobias once said that “Humanity was a gift from Africa to the World”. Many scholars believe Africa to be the birthplace of mankind and with the substantial archaeological findings in their favour the world tends to agree.

South Africa – Tour the Origins
South Africa is home to some three million years of prehistory and history, inherited from the ancient cultures which made the mountains and plains their home. This rich inheritance places the country among the few regions in the world where these footsteps towards the development of culture can be followed. If you are interested in the origins of mankind a trip to South Africa is highly recommended. There are a multitude of sites where remarkable discoveries have been made throughout the years and they are now open to members of the public. The tours of these sites allow enthusiasts a glimpse into their own origins.

Until 1924 the world had focussed its attention on Asia in their quest for the origins of mankind. Professor Raymond Dart revolutionised this way of thinking when he discovered the skull of a six year old child in a block of rock sent to him from the town of Taung in South Africa’s North West province. The skull displayed both ape-like and human-like anatomical features and was named Australopithecus africanus. The skull is regarded amongst the 20 most significant scientific discoveries of the 20th century. Once the skull had been discovered scientists turned their attention to South Africa and a huge number of archaeological sites were found. The Taung Heritage Site is now one of South Africa’s top tourist destinations, a monument has been built to commemorate the discovery and an old mine tunnel has been reopened for visitors to explore. The Blue Pools are another feature that attract visitors to the Heritage Site. Discovered after a dynamite explosion in a mountain in which lime was being mined the pools are surrounded by caves and streams and are a popular site for hiking, abseiling, picnicking and barbequing.

Another remarkable find was made in 1947 by Dr Robert Broom, who discovered a perfectly preserved adult Australopithecus africanus cranium, belonging to the 2, 5-million-year-old “Mrs Ples”, at Sterkfontein. Several hundred discoveries followed, some dating back 3, 5 million years and the Sterkfontein site earned its name – The Cradle of Humankind. Some of the cradles findings include 500 skull, jaw, teeth and skeletal fossils of early hominids, thousands of other animal fossils, over 300 fragments of fossils wood, and over 9,000 stone tools. The Cradle of Humankind is a World Heritage Site and certain areas are open to the public. There are also various exhibitions, guided tours and lectures from reputed archaeologists. The Cradle restaurant is the perfect day of exploration and enlightenment. This beautiful restaurant built from stone, steel and glass opens up on three sides with a magnificent view of the African landscape.

South Africa’s Limpopo province is a land of myths and legends – the area has a rich cultural history and there are many archaeological sites. The Makapans Cave and nearby archaeological and fossil sites are situated on the farm Makapansgat, 19 km north of Mokopane. It was here in 1948 that the fossil remains of Australopithecus africanus, a 3, 5 million-year-old ape-man, were found by Raymond Dart. The Makapans Valley, a National Heritage site and currently in line for World Heritage Status, contains an extensive and complete record of hominid occupation. The Makapan caves are full of fossils and archaeological remains and you can take a tour of the caves and area.

Long before Bartholomew Dias rounded the Cape in 1488 the art of working gold was being mastered by Bantu-speaking people living near the Limpopo River. Recently gold objects and other exciting finds have been made here. Also near the Limpopo River, Thulamela in the Kruger National Park was home to a large stone-walled settlement. A large section of the ancient stone walling has been restored to its former glory and the National Parks Board is working on plans to make this bewitching site a tourism destination in the northern part of the Kruger National Park. Not only can you marvel at the sites archaeological finds but you can also enjoy spending time in one of the worlds most acclaimed game reserves.

In more recent years South Africa has once again captured the world’s attention with the discoveries of human remains at the Klasies River Caves along the Eastern Cape coast. Human remains with anatomically modern features have been found, dating well over 100 000 years old. If these dates are correct, then it is in Southern Africa that the world’s oldest remains of our own species, Homo sapiens, have been found – some 60 000 years before their arrival in Europe and Asia.

Apart from all of the human remains discovered in South Africa throughout the years the treasure trove of art. South Africa has the greatest collection of Stone Age paintings and engravings in the world. The San have left us a priceless and unique artistic legacy.

Robert Ardry wrote that, “Humanity evolved beneath the canopy of African skies on the immense card table of the African Savannah”. Exploring this evolution is a magnificent way to gain insight into the origin of mankind. Not only will you be enlightened on your tour of South Africa’s archaeological treasures you will also get to experience this beautiful countries modern day treasures.

Author Bio
African Outposts arranges the “From Whence Man Came tour” www.africanoutposts.co.za/sa_special.q – which is designed to explore the origin of mankind in Africa, more specifically Southern Africa. Specialist presenters are available to host you at each of the featured sites mentioned in this article.

Like many others, I took a trip to Washington DC to witness the inauguration of the first African American president in America’s history. That in itself would have been enough to be proud of, but the event is made even more monumental by the fact that Barack Obama is a symbol of what so many black men aspire to be.

Along with his wife Michelle and two daughters, Malia and Sasha, they represent the American Dream – a dream thought to be unreachable by many. Yet they stand tall among all the nay-sayers; strong, healthy, intelligent, loving, and with a sense of morality and ethics that the political scene hasn’t seen in decades.

As I stood among millions in the National Mall, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. It finally felt like we as blacks, have someone on our side that can make a difference. Sure – we’ve had leaders before, and legendary ones at that – but none have been President of the United States. President Obama represents that certain human element that every hard-working man or woman can relate to. He is the kind of man who you can sit down and have dinner with, then go out with the fellas to shoot a game of hoops with afterwards. He sees many things the same way the majority of the black community sees it, and he isn’t looking to give everyone hand-outs – neither are we asking for them. We just want a fair shot at a comfortable and happy life, and I truly believe President Obama knows that and will work hard to level the playing field which as been lopsided since slaves were brought to this country.

I say to you Mr. President: Welcome. I have been waiting on this day since you began your campaign, and I know that you will do your very best to correct the tailspin that this country has been in for the past few years. However, I do not expect you to do it on your own….therefore I pledge to also become a member of your cabinet – as secretary of my community. I understand that change begins internally, therefore I will make a concerted effort to help clean up my community starting with my own home. No more living beyond my means, accruing debt, and looking out for self. Its time to alter the way we live, and look out for our fellow man.

Thank you President Obama, for giving us hope.

African Americans were brought to the United States in the early 1600’s after being captured from their native land and enslaved into service.  Over the centuries, descendants of these slaves became more and more Americanized, losing over time their customs and heritage.  In 1966, a black activist by the name of Maulana Kalenga had the inspiration to reinstate the African pride and heritage by initiating a holiday that would belong solely to those of African descent, thus beginning the celebration of Kwanzaa.

Rather than reinvent the African harvest festivals from which Kwanzaa was tailored, Dr. Kalenga instead focused upon the family unity that was a large part of the African culture when designing the festivity.  Certain principles were adopted into the concept of Kwanzaa that would exemplify African American family values, becoming the seven guiding principles:

These seven principles are emphasized by appointing a day for each through the holiday, creating a seven day celebration of Kwanzaa, beginning December 26th and ending January 1st of each year.  This bridging of the old year and the new year, in African culture, is called “the time when the edges of the year meet”.

Seven is a prominent feature throughout; seven days in length, seven principles of Kwanzaa, and seven symbols (crops, mat, Kinara, seven candles, ears of corn, gifts and unity cup).  Children of the community are represented by the ears of corn.  The Kinara and the seven candles are a mainstay of the holiday; exemplifying the blend of history and future of black culture.  Gifts are generally given to children, although the giving of gifts is not limited or mandatory.  Drinking from the unity cup is considered to reinforce togetherness and family.  The seven symbols are collected together and placed upon a straw mat which becomes a focal point in the home through Kwanzaa.

During the seven days of Kwanzaa, it is traditional for celebrants to use a Kinara; a candle holder with seven candles; one that is black, three red, and three green.  Black symbolizes the black people, red represents their struggles through history, while green emphasizes the hope and future that develops from the struggles.  One candle is lit on each of the seven days, beginning with the black candle on the first day of Kwanzaa.  The second day, the black candle is relit, along with a red candle.  One of the green candles is lit the third day, joined by the relighting of the black and red from the previous days.  This pattern continues through to the seventh day, when all candles are finally lit.   The significance of the pattern is to first represent the black people (the black candle), then their struggles (the red candle) and finally the future and hope from the struggles (the green candle).

Kwanzaa is a holiday full of symbolism.  Although the holiday was originally created as a way to reaffirm the roots of African culture, it has been embraced to represent more the bond of family and community; not just of African Americans, but of every individual of every race.

Author: Melissa Nykorchuk

It’s developmentally appropriate for children to become more and more independent, self reliant and responsible as they age. It can be challenging for parents to know when to step back and let their children try something on their own. After all, from the time their children were babies, parents have spent years meeting many to all of their child’s needs.

Striking a balance between allowing your children to do tasks for themselves and helping them when they seem to need or want is a talent of very powerful parents. This balance allows their children to thrive because they feel more confident in themselves while still feeling supported and properly mentored.

How can we instill self reliance and responsibility into our children?

(1) Allow your children to make some decisions: Even young children can make sound decisions if you give them a few select choices. Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt? Would you like a peanut butter sandwich or a cheese sandwich? As children get older, you can allow them to make more important decisions with little to no guidance. They can determine things like which Fall sport they’d like to play, if they need a tutor for math, and which friends they’d like to spend time with each day without needing much, if any, input from parents. While it’s tempting to make these kinds of decisions for your older children, they need to stand on their own two feet—after all, their decisions are often correct!

(2) Encourage your children to try tasks on their own: While it’s often quicker and more skillfully done when we do it for them, children need to engage in tasks on their own if they’re ever going to learn how to do them well. Laundry, shoe-tying, and making the bed are great places to start with young children. Older children can handle more complicated tasks such as cooking, preparing their own lunch, and doing their own homework.

(3) Model responsibility and self reliance: Parents have many responsibilities—let your child see them and hear about them! Say out loud; “This screw seems a little loose, I’ll go get the screwdriver and tighten it” or “I have to plan our weekly menu for dinner; let’s see…Monday night we’ll have…” When children see you making decisions, taking initiative, and displaying self reliant behaviors, they will engage in similar behavior.

(4) Be your child’s coach rather than his sage: When your child asks you questions about how to do something or what to do in a certain situation, sometimes asking questions is more important than providing answers. “What do you think you should do? How would you feel if you chose X? What would happen if you did Y instead?” These questions can unlock the answers in your own child’s brain so the next time he’s in a similar situation he’ll be able to call on his own experience and judgment to make a decision.

(5) Be a good support system: Sometimes this means cheering them on from the sidelines and other times it means encouraging them to try again. Of course, when children truly need your help, they should know that they can count on you. If you teach them to ask for help when they really need it (when something seems unsafe or too challenging), they should know that you will be there to assist them. Children who know that they can count on their parents when they really need it feel better about taking risks and the possibility of making mistakes.

(6) Provide them with responsibilities: Chores are great for teaching children how to be self reliant as well as how to work as a team. After teaching them how to do the chore properly, let them give it a try with some assistance, if needed. You can even work on a checklist together which helps to break down the task into easy, age-appropriate chunks. For example, (a) Take the clothes out of the dryer, (b) Separate the clothes by family member, (c) Match up all the socks…and so on. When we provide children with ways to help out the family, we give them opportunities to build responsibility, self confidence, and self reliance.

(7) Encourage healthy risk-taking: Assure your children that making mistakes is OK. The most important thing is that he/she tries! Most things are not done perfectly the first time—even when you’re an adult. It doesn’t mean “the end of the world” and there is no reason to be embarrassed. Watching our children make mistakes can be challenging. We may want to rush to their aid to shield them from impending failure or disappointment. However, when parents do this, they rob their children of some very powerful tools; self confidence, stick-to-itiveness, and of course, self reliance.

Your children are relying on you to teach them how to approach the world. Sometimes that means they have to watch you to learn how to approach the task. But other times that means, you must watch them from the sidelines and encourage them to figure it out on their own.

Author: Dr Robyn Silverman

About The Author
Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman is a success coach, parenting expert and child development specialist who is praised for her helpful tips-based style. Known as “The Character Queen,” she’s the creator of Powerful Words Character Development which helps parents and educators teach children everything from respect to discipline and self confidence. For more information or to contact Dr. Robyn, please visit her Powerful Parenting Blog at http://www.DrRobynsBlog.com or her website at http://www.DrRobynSilverman.com

Your kids probably love it, too-a day off from school, filled with lots of treats-but they probably think of Thanksgiving like you did, when you were small; it’s that holiday that falls between Halloween and Christmas. We don’t wear crazy costumes for Thanksgiving, we don’t receive or give gifts, as a rule. So, since kids aren’t bombarded with commercials, telling them what they have to get on Thanksgiving (if they want to fit in), it can be hard for them, in our consumer-driven culture, to understand just what it’s all about. After all, holidays mean presents, right?

You tell your kids about the starving Pilgrims, who were saved by the gifts of food from the local Indians, and how our country might not have developed as it did, without that act of kindness. But few of us ever mark that kindness as we down our turkey and dressing. It’s odd, when you think about it. Thanksgiving is the one holiday that really is all about giving and receiving, but advertisers still haven’t figured a way to stretch our credit limits to the max.

So how can you make a holiday with no presents have some real meaning for your kids? You could start with the word, itself. We often forget that Thanksgiving is a compound word-the day is meant for giving thanks. If your kids are old enough to enjoy receiving gifts and blessings, they’re old enough to begin learning the concept of thanks.

Before the holiday, sit down with your children and ask them what they have in their lives that makes them happy. They may name a specific toy, or a bicycle, or a game, but chances are, when they really think about it, they’ll be happy for the same things you are-family and friends, love and health and a roof over their heads. Make a list of these things with your kids-tape them on the refrigerator, or someplace where your children can be reminded of all that they have to be grateful for.

Talk to your kids about ways they can give at Thanksgiving. It’s a great opportunity to teach them that giving comes in many forms. With Christmas approaching, maybe they can think about donating some of the toys they’ve grown tired of to charity, so that children less fortunate can have a brighter holiday. Or, if your children receive an allowance, they might want to donate a portion of it, between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

There are even volunteer activities appropriate for young children. Something as simple as a neighborhood clean-up can involve many children, with supervision. Local residents and businesses can be approached about donating toward the effort, the proceeds of which can then be sent to a charity of the childrens’ choice.

Thanksgiving need not be just the holiday between Halloween and Christmas. Even to your children, it’s a day that can have real meaning, and live up to its name.

Author Bio
J Gardener, a writer for Imaginary Greetings, Inc. (www.imaginarygreetings.com), is an award winning screenplay copywriter and a regular contributing author on many family oriented issues. Imaginary Greetings offers highly imaginative personalized family oriented products and services. To learn more about how to make your holiday tree magical vist www.santasornamentshop.com.

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Why does this happen? The media has a lot to do with it. Black women are typically seen with long, straight, flowing hair. Until recently, women who chose to go natural were often portrayed as eccentric. Or they were dismissed as being afrocentric. Also, some biased beliefs dating back to slavery still survive today. During that period of bondage, African-American hair was viewed as dirty and unkempt. So, many blacks were shamed by their hair and eventually found ways to change its state. After awhile, it just became the social norm for black women to have relaxed hair.

This has caused natural black hair to be viewed as an oddity. Often, a woman who chooses to maintain her true texture is considered to be going against the grain. Some even believe that this type of hair is not appropriate in the business world.  Thankfully, there are laws in place to protect from this type of discrimination. But that hasn’t changed the negative perception that many have of African hair.

This was not always the case. For a brief period in history during the 1960’s -1970’s, natural hair became a source of cultural pride. The Civil Rights Movement caused many to esteem their heritage, including their locks. It was common for men and women to wear afros or other natural styles. However, as the Movement died down so did these displays of diverse African-American hairdos. Many returned to using chemicals or heat on their tresses to achieve a straighter look.

But today the tide is once again changing.  Many women of African descent are returning to their natural roots. In recent years it has become more and more common to see blacks on television with cornrows, braids, afros, and many other culturally unique hairstyles. Women such as Macy Gray, Erykah Badu, and Kim Fields-Freeman wear their hair unapologetically.

And what is there to be sorry for anyway?  It would be odd for Caucasians or other ethnicities to feel inferior because they were born with straight hair. After all, it’s natural for their hair to grow that way. That should also be the prevailing attitude regarding African textured hair. The way it grows out of scalp is the way it was designed to be. And once again many black women are realizing this fact and embracing what’s naturally theirs.

Author: Serfronya Wallace

It’s no news that some people are better at saving money than others. The reasons why some of our savings accounts multiply exponentially while others struggle to gain a dollar a day are varied. Personality type, habit, upbringing, discipline, and income are all factors in a person’s saving potential, but some money-saving ability also comes from the skills you possess. Certain skills (most of which can be taught) are highly valuable to those people who are serious about saving money. Here are seven:

1. Money Management

People who can manage their own money well can save more. This statement sounds redundant, but it’s not: if you work with your own accounts, you are better able to understand exactly how much money you have and how you’re spending it, which helps you know where to cut down on spending to save more.

2. Cooking

Those who enjoy cooking and have the skills necessary to make tasty, healthy, and creative meals for their families can save money by not going out to eat frequently. Cooking from scratch (rather than relying on boxed mixes and such) allows you to spend less on ingredients, and a bit of creativity in the kitchen helps you to combine leftovers into fresh and interesting meals so that they don’t die a slow death in the refrigerator.

3. Auto Repair

People who know something about auto mechanics can save money on labor when their cars needs to be fixed (or at least know for sure whether their cars really need the repairs the auto shop recommends). They can also be more confident about buying used cars, being able to spot major problems before they buy and knowing that they can make most future repairs for the cost of the parts.

4. Grocery Shopping

Yes, anyone can go grocery shopping (except maybe celebrities), but those who know how to shop well can save a lot on groceries. A skilled grocery shopper will know (either from memory or from a detailed price book) where the best regular prices are on items they regularly buy, where the week’s sales are, what coupons they can combine with the sales, what size of each product has the best unit price, and whether each purchase is the best value for his or her family.

5. Gardening

With a green thumb and a plot of soil, you can grow fresh food for your family and save even more on grocery bills. As most homegrown food is healthy food, you are also likely save on health care costs over the years.

6. Home Improvement/Maintenance

Much like auto repair, this skill can save you the cost of labor for both big and small projects around the home. Home improvement skills also open up some additional money-making opportunities; renting properties and house flipping, for example.

7. Sewing

The image of a frugal person with a well-used sewing machine and handmade clothing is a bit outdated. Nowadays, sewing your own clothes would save less money any of the other frugal skills on this list because the cost of fabric nowadays is so high that it’s usually less expensive to buy clothes already made. Nevertheless, sewing is a useful skill to have because you can buy clothes from discount racks that need minor repairs, and you can alter clothing patterns to fit yourself better than those you would buy pre-made.

We all have skills we can use to make money, but you may not have considered how you can use the skills you have to save money. Take some time to consider what skills you have now (or plan to acquire) and how you can use them to save more.

In today’s inundated market of bookshelf sized speakers, it is rare to find a set that goes beyond expectations and provide exceptional value for your dollar. Certainly one of those elite few are the AudioEngine A5’s.

On first glance, the A5’s look unassuming, with understated design and simple curves that make up a relatively small (10″H x 7″W) package. Pick them up, however, and you’ll gain a different perspective. These are self powered, monitor quality speakers and their impressive heft of nearly 25lbs proves it. They also sport silk dome tweeters and Kevlar (yep, the bullet-proof stuff) woofers.

Connections are simple, with heavy duty binding posts used with the included 12 feet of speaker wire. Connections are also available for iPods aand other MP3 players via a 1/8 inch jack, and the left speaker even provides a standard outlet to plug in an Airport Express for the ultimate in wireless music compatibility.

As for the sound quality – it simply doesn’t get any better for speakers this size. I’ve been using them for months and every time a friend comes over they can’t believe so much sound comes from such small speakers. There is plenty of bass to go around, and they play loud enough to run you out of the room with ease – all with no distortion. It is truly an amazing experience to hear these little guys in action.

Here lies the creation and immense creativity of Jumping the Broom. The broom itself has always held a spiritual significance for many African peoples, because it represented homemaking for a new couple. During slavery, a couple would jump over a broom into matrimony to the beat of the drum. (Until of course the drums themselves were outlawed since they were thought to be a dangerous means of communication.)

Today, the tradition of jumping the broom has made it’s way back into the wedding ceremony and is the most widely known wedding ritual in the African-American community. Since the 1970’s and Alex Haley’s ROOTS, countless couples have incorporated this tradition into their weddings. It doesn’t matter how Westernized or cultural African-American ceremonies might be, this one act of jumping the broom binds thousands of couples together in solidarity.

There are other traditions aside from Jumping The Broom that have been either borrowed from African and Caribbean shores or born anew here in America. Many couples today have added different kinds of food, clothing, vows and other cultural rites and passages to their modern day ceremonies, just to let their ancestors know, they haven’t forgotten.

Author: JCarter

After arriving in the city (we’ll call it Plainsville, not related to the real city in Pennsylvannia), I proceed to rent a vehicle and begin the drive to my temporary office. As I roll down the windows to smell the air in this strange new town, I browse the local radio stations to find out what everyone’s listening to. In today’s iPod age, I only find a few stations with a decent signal: two country, one R&B/Rap hits, a rock station, one jazz, one 80’s hits, and Latin jams. Settling for 80’s hits, I lean back and follow GPS direction while Billie Ocean belts out ‘Carribean Queen’.

Upon arriving, I perform standard meet and greets with a group of 6 or so people I’ll be working with on the project. Noticing the absence of African Americans among the people I’ve met, I sigh a little and settle into my cubicle. Soon, someone comes by to give me my network login. It’s James from the networking team, and the first thing that we each notice is that we’re both black. This acknowledgment happens in about 1/10th of a second, when there is a sort of emotional exchange where we both smile and internally exclaim “Man, am I glad to see you!”. James and I chat for a few minutes, and he gives me a recommendation for a good place to get a haircut, since I’m long overdue.

After a long days work, I decide to head to the hotel, freshen up, and explore the town. The first thing on the agenda is to find something to eat. Being a fan of BBQ, I check Google for the local listings. After sifting through a few options, I find a place with decent reviews located at the corner of Jackson and Martin Luther King Blvd. I note the address, grab my keys and head out.

Surveying the area around the hotel, I notice what seems to be a relatively nice town. There are brand-new condos going up not far from the hotel, and the banner on the side of the building says they are 60% sold, starting at $249,000. Across from it is a Whole Foods, with a steady stream of patrons filing in and out, dressed in business casual attire. Next to the Whole Foods is a Bally’s Fitness, and through the window you can already see the place packed with young professionals working off the day’s stress while watching the mini televisions attached to each machine.

After grabbing some snacks for my room, I decide to head to the BBQ place before it gets too late, so I punch in the address and proceed to travel out of the downtown area. After driving about 5 miles south of the hotel, the landscape changes from concrete jungle to modest suburban fare, littered with shopping centers, subdivisions, and an Applebee’s at nearly every exit. Everything looks brand-new – even the grass along the highway is well-tended, having a smattering of colorful flowers and frequent signage reminding you of the speed limit. Apparently the signs are well respected, because since I left the hotel I haven’t seen a single law enforcement vehicle.

After a couple more miles, I reach the MLK exit, signaled by the towering Wal-mart sign above the highway. According to the GPS, the BBQ place is about a mile away, so I exit and proceed towards Jackson street. Upon passing the Wal-mart, I noticed that the environment had begun to change. For the first time, I saw litter on the sides of the streets – mostly empty shopping bags and cups from the neighboring McDonald’s. I also notice the first police vehicle since I arrived, an officer had pulled over a young black male who for some reason had his shirt off and was visibly upset.

Traveling further, the sub-divisions with the fancy names such as “King’s Highlands” and “Pinehurst Trails”, had all but dissapeared. In their place were small, single family homes with the occasional broken mailbox and ill-tended lawn. The sidewalks were cracked, and the streets had significantly more potholes than what I experienced just a couple of miles back. The setting began to look disappointingly familiar as I rode past kids playing in their front yard, dangerously close to the street because there were no parks nearby.

After finally reaching Jackson street, I spotted the place I was looking for: Big Al’s BBQ. It was a humble little place situated in a strip mall, between “All Day Liquor” and a Western Union. I could smell the food from the parking lot and couldn’t wait to get a hot plate to sate my hunger pains. The owner, Alonzo, was behind the counter dressed in a stained apron that had obviously been in his possesion for many years. He took my order and grinned when I asked for extra sauce, proclaiming that his sauce was the best on the east coast. He then asked if I was from out of town, and upon hearing my answer, proceeded to tell me all about Plainsville. The restaurant was nearly empty so he continued to talk even as I ate. Apparently Plainsville had changed a lot in the past few years.

The blacks in this area were being pushed further and further away from the city as new construction projects took over. Due to higher fuel prices, the white collar citizens of surburbia decided that being close to the city was in their best interest, and contractors found out that offering cash for these modest homes would entice their owners to pick up and leave. After clearing neighborhood after neighborhood this way, money poured in from seemingly nowhere and all of the streets were fixed, landscapers came in with new trees and shrubery, old phone lines were dug up and replaced with modern cable for high-speed internet access. Alonzo shook his head as he cleaned off his grill. “I just don’t understand why none of that money ever comes to this neighborhood unless folks are trying to move us out,” he says.

As I finish off my meal, I leave a generous tip and say goodbye to Alonzo, who had basically fallen asleep behind the counter. It had gotten dark and the streets were now buzzing with teenagers trying to get away from the restrictive bonds of their parents’ homes. They hang out next to their cars, blasting Lil’ Wayne and cracking jokes on each other. I asked one of them if they knew where the barber shop that James the network guy gave me was. One of them spoke up, muttering in barely intelligible phonics that the shop was only a few blocks away. I asked them if they all went to the same high school and they laughed. Apparently half of them had dropped out already – stating that the teachers there were “lazy bastards who don’t care nothing about them”. “Besides,” the oldest one said, “the bathrooms don’t work, and the food is nasty.”

I had plenty of time to reflect on the days events as I drove back to my hotel. I found myself wondering why, in each and every city, minorities are subjected to sub-standard living conditions. Why is it that the streets and sidewalks aren’t maintained? Why are the schools ill-equipped and the children exposed to teachers who are either burnt-out or uninspired?

All too often, our neighborhoods are second-rate at best. It is extremely detrimental for young people to grow up in a stifling society where all they know is poverty, broken dreams, and parents who are too drained from working two jobs to properly raise their children.

I am fully aware that there are many neighborhoods where blacks prosper. However the ratio of prosperous neighborhoods to neighborhoods bordering on poverty is far too high to deem the existence of these communities as any type of “progress”.

I often find myself reflecting on Alonzo and his BBQ restaurant. By now, the little strip mall has probably been demolished in favor of a new high-end housing development. It’s a shame too, because he was right: Big Al’s BBQ sauce was indeed the best on the east coast.